I’m exhausted. I’ve never been so exhausted by just speaking lately. I’ve talked so much I’ve become my own headache. It has taken me to a place of self-discovery. What is wrong with me?
Have you ever found yourself in a very loud environment and someone calls you and as you try to make your way to the nearest exit to silence you’re pressing the phone against your ear; you’re also covering the opposite ear with your finger as a temporary ear plug and you scream into the phone, “HELLO! I can’t hear you!”
This is me right now. Trying to communicate in the noisiest environment of my life. Battling confusion, insecurities, incomplete goals, dead-end positions and a true faith deficiency. I find myself plugging my ears and scream to the resolution of circumstances, “Hello! I can’t hear you!”
No one is responding and the exit to silence distances itself further and further away from me. “Hello!” Repeating the same words over and over again, “I can’t hear you! Can you hear me?” I just keep talking in hopes someone will hear me and create the conversation I’m truly longing for, but nothing comes close to expectation. I’m still stuck in the noisiest environment of my life.
How will I escape this place?
Is there a resolution?
I’ve pondered over these 2 questions until the voice within me decided to reveal an answer to my confusion and worry.
The answer to this question is to allow what you can’t control speak on your behalf.
Uncontrollable circumstances speaks to be heard, so what’s the point of battling tone and pitch independently against a choir of life anyways?
This means I have to relinquish control of my voice and become the echo of God.
It’s time to stop engaging in dead-in conversations and allow the triumph of my circumstance to create the conversation on my behalf. I am trusting that each and every word I do not speak will sing a melody so pure a death man will clap his hands on beat.