I sit at the front of the classroom, participate in every discussion, lead every group activity, and ask questions that pique the interest of my peers too afraid to speak. I have been the perfect student, yet I’ve learned nothing.
I sit in awe of the stature of the teacher standing before me, yet their substance of content have filled me with nothing but dead air. Dead air that evaporates the moment I take a breath.
Lately everyone I have sought to glean from points of views have been facing in the same direction. I’m tired of staring at the cracks in the concrete.
My humbled heart understands my level of wealth related to knowledge and experience. I’m still in a place of needing assistance. I am in starvation mode; hungry for what it is I do not currently have.
My current position isn’t fulfilling or feeding me a challenge. Although my income has doubled in the last year my account is at a deficit. Being newly married I’m still feeling the same as when we were shacking. My car has all the substance it needs and the overheating light stills remains displayed on the dashboard.
No amount of steps I’ve taken to better my life and career has made a bit of difference to me internally. I’ve become emotionless. Like a hamster vigorously running on its wheel inside its cage. No increase, no decrease, the place of stagnation. I’ve found myself in a place of captivity. Caged in a place of repeat. I need to be freed of this bondage. I need to be released and allowed to flourish, but where do I go. Where is my way out!
Falling to my knees I am starting to understand who the true key owner is.
In prayer the word “GLUTTON” was in bold letters and it had become a boulder on my heart. But I’m not a 500 pound obese person too large to stand. The image disgusted me and I did not see myself in that word, but as I started to look closer I could see pieces of me in God’s disapproval of this particular sin.
Had I become too consumed with seeking the approval of others, the desire to make more money, the desire for luxurious possessions, the desire for a better house, the desire to be idled? The list goes on and on and my spirit of pride, over consumption and lack of self-discipline has placed my in a position that is dishonorable.
God has placed me on hold until further notice. I understand that I will not see abundance until I can decline a purchase regardless if I do have the money, until minimal brings me comfort and temptation to consume more than I need is giving to God and not the palm of my hands. I am not in control of receiving limitless possessions. Anything I control is faced with limitations and as proof of my inability to cover all my needs I am lacking the knowledge needed, the confidence needed, the discipline needed to move forward in what God truly has for me. I have in possession the vision, but not the permission of pursuit.
I am at the start of my journey and as the weeks progress so will God’s approval. My career, my family, my finances will reap the benefit of God’s glory. If you are in my current position, seeking an exit strategy it’s time to figure out what’s the true cost of elevation and be bold enough to start the journey.